


The 10th Day

by MsNJS



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-07 18:03:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsNJS/pseuds/MsNJS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>11/20/11</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 10th Day

**Author's Note:**

> The story is the result of a ramble. I closed my eyes and just typed. It was inspired by real life events and a DeRo Fic by my friend Geminilove30 (The Lies We Tell). This story happens 11/20/11 and is based on canon.

Opening the door I immediately looked to the right at our bedroom. It looks the same as it did this morning when I left. The door is cracked and the room is lit only by the light from the window. I can see the neatly tucked untouched sheets. The spare room door is shut. Amira and Yasmin are still away. The glass and bowl from this morning’s breakfast is still in the sink. And Yasmin’s purple blanket with the clouds is still thrown over the top of the couch. Everything is the same, exactly the same as when I left it this morning. 

I check my phone again for the countless time today. It hasn’t rang, vibrated or anything... It’s making me anxious. Has he really not called? Or maybe… maybe it’s the phone or the service? Wireless communication can be so unreliable. Sometimes you really did miss a call or you really did get a message even though the phone has not made a sound. I reset the phone connection… still nothing.

After dialing his number, 02055426383, my finger hovered over the green button. I wrestle with myself. Should I call again? Should I wait? I take a deep breath and push the button. The line just rings and rings. My breath gets heavier as I anticipate him answering the call. RING. I know he sees me calling. RING. I know he hears my ring tone. It’s that Kylie song he loves, ‘Everything is Beautiful’. He chose it for me. Has he changed it? RING. I know he wants to pick up. He has to pick up….please……….But he doesn’t. My eyes start to well, but I blink the tears away. I don’t want to cry. 

CLASH. Before I know it my phone is flying down the hall and colliding with the wall. It breaks into pieces-- a familiar feeling. Never again will I call him! I yell inside. I look… I feel pathetic, calling him so manically. Never again! He will have to call. I have called him enough. 

I step over the phone as I walk to the bedroom. It’s probably best to leave it in pieces, for now. So if…when.. when he does call I won’t be tempted to answer. I will make him wait! I will make him scared... and anxious and…and… desperate. 

I push the door back and enter our bedroom. Funny, this room use to be my favorite place, my safe place, a place to escape from the world. ‘Inside these four walls it’s just me and you.’ He had once said to me. He was right; but now, now, it hurts to be within these four walls. It feels cold and empty. 

I take off my clothes and put on his shirt. I take it straight from the drawer. It doesn’t smell of him, there’s no trace of him. Never has powder fresh smelled so bleak. It fits him so perfectly, but I barely fill the fabric. It can still help though because I need something. 

I feel so tense as I crawl into our bed, like I shouldn’t lay there without him. I lay only on my side of the bed though. His side has remained untouched. I pull the covers in around me, tight and close. They are a weak substitution for the arms that use to comfort me, assure me and love me. My fingers dig into the pillow. I hear the quite. Fear begins to seep into the emptiness that I carry during the day. I fear that he is gone, truly gone, gone for good. How did I let this happen? Grasping harder at the cushion, I bury my face in my pillow. I hurt. I physically hurt.

I still try and hold back the tears. They have been trapped all day as I faced the world. They have been trapped under fake smiles and pseudo confidence. I can’t hold them any longer. I turned my face further in the pillow to muffle my sobs. No one was in the flat, but I didn’t want anything in the world to hear me crying. I lay there, in our bed, alone. My face was hot and itchy and my head spun. It had been minutes; it had been days; it had been seconds.

………….

GASP. The air rushes into my lungs as I struggle to breathe. Something snatched me from the relief of sleep forcing me to be awake and aware of my pain, my consequence. In that instant, I reached out to… out to… nothing… no one. 

I quickly move from the bed to my dismantled phone. My hands are unsteady but I put the battery back in and slid the back of the phone into place. My breath won’t leave my chest as I turn it on. I wait for it to load. I wait for it to find a signal. I wait for it to notify me, to give me any sort of………. But it doesn’t. There are no calls, not texts, no voicemail--nothing. Tears again fill my eyes blurring the illuminated numbers. Is he really doing this?

A tear rolls down my face. I dialed his number again, 02055426383. It didn’t ring this time; it went straight to voicemail. But this time, I didn’t hang up. I waited for the greeting to end. BEEP. My mouth was empty of words despite the millions of thoughts in my head. I held the phone trying to think of the right thing to say, trying to think of anything to say.

“Please…” I began but my voice cracked and gave out on me. I was almost panting. I didn’t know what to say. I could only think of one plea. I swallowed the lump in my throat... “…Don’t Leave Me….” I whispered. I pulled the phone from my ear and gazed at his number like I was staring at his face….I didn’t want to hang up. In a strange way, I felt connected to him again. I held the phone in my hand; my thumb hovered over the red button, the end button. After a few moments I pressed it.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I sat against the wall. I clutch my phone so tightly my knuckles began to turn white. Each day brings realization. Each day brings another crack. And I feel like it’s been forever but it’s only the tenth day.


End file.
